AKA I’ve got a problem. In the last couple of years I took on a new challenge. I ran a couple of marathons. I started off doing it for charity but really loved the experience and the opportunity to push myself. This year I was going to take a break but then was offered a bib number for a really big marathon. I am so excited to run – when I think about it I feel like a kid in a candy store – but my husband is not so thrilled. Asking our friends to sponsor me makes him uncomfortable but I also know he worries about the wear and tear on my body and probably feels a little neglected when I have to go for those 2 hour training runs on Sundays. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to discount my husband’s feelings but I really want to run that marathon.

The thought of running a marathon makes you ‘feel like a kid in a candy store.’ You are so weird. Wowsa!

No, I’m teasing. That is really great that you have found something that makes you feel that way. In fact, that’s a pretty special feeling any way you look at it and life’s too short to throw that away. You need to do the marathon and it’s your job to ‘sell it’ to your husband.

I am going to assume here that you’re married to a reasonable man (if you’re not, that’s a problem for another day and probably a whole team of therapists).  Talk to him.  Help him understand how important this is for you.  But also stop and take a moment to recognize that his concerns and feelings are valid they just don’t hold up to your completely irrational love of torturing yourself (oops! that’s me talking again). There is a difference between starting off the conversation yelling angrily ‘you’re such a control freak’ or saying calmly and lovingly, ‘I know you love me and are worried about me getting injured but this is something that is very important to me.’

Marriage is long and a minefield of bizarrely misappropriated emotions. Living with someone and talking about the electric bill and whose family you have to visit on Christmas and whether or not you are mad that he forgot to start the dishwasher – this has a tendency to cloud our conversations about more straightforward things. This marathon thing is straightforward. You obviously love running and it’s important to your emotional happiness. And it’s good for you! The only things that make AKA feel like a kid in a candy store is actual candy…which is most definitely not good for you. Make a compromise Runner Girl but don’t compromise yourself out of getting something that is important to you. Start from a place of love and sell it! Ignore his feelings or worse, just give in, and there will be a giant, steaming heap of resentment sitting in the middle of your marriage.  Sell it well and it can be the Land of Contentment for both you and hubby.

But just always know that AKA still thinks you’re nuts.